People often tell me they are not getting anything from their networking efforts. They say they have been doing their homework regarding where might be best to network based on their industry, interests and/or geographic location. They tell me they have rehearsed their 30-second commercial to make it intriguing, yet simple enough so that a five-year old can understand it. They tell me they have been attending meetings regularly and getting involved to no avail….i.e., no referrals, no leads, no anything. So I must ask the question, “Have you been making any deposits into your network?

Just like your bank account or your savings account, before you can withdraw any money, you must first make a deposit. So then, since networking is all about building relationships with people, before you begin to “take” from your network, you need to deposit first. Have you given a referral to someone in your network, have you helped someone fill a need they might have, have you provided an answer or a resource to someone who had a question, have you done anything to pay it forward? You get the picture.

It’s all about doing something for someone else, making someone feel special, letting someone know how much you care….even if it is a small gesture. What is important however, is that whatever you do, you must do it because it is the right thing to do and not because you are expecting something in return. As Americans in a capitalist society, it is sometimes hard for us to think this way because we are taught to behave and negotiate such that you NEVER give a concession without getting something in return. I disagree, but I do understand the internal conflict with which our psychy operates. It’s almost as if you’re keeping score subconsciously whereby you start counting how many leads or referrals you’ve passed along with the expectation that you’re going to get that many back from those to whom you passed them. That’s where the disappointment and sometimes even resentment seeds are planted. The moment you do something for someone with the expectation that they “owe” you, you set yourself up for disappointment. Like NIke says, “Just Do It”, but do it because it’s the right thing to do, and you’ll be amazed how those deposits begin to grow with compounded interest.

Cheers to your many networking deposits and to your networking success!

The converse is also true, however. If you are selfish, unkind and/or unpleasant to others, then you can bet you will be on the receiving end of that type of treatment. For purposes of this blog entry however, I’d like to focus on the positive because both random and deliberate acts of kindness result in such positive energy that it makes for a win/win/win situation all the way around.

A couple of days ago I met a lovely young woman who was new to Houston. During our conversation, she shared with me how lucky she felt to be working for the woman who is her boss. She said that her boss has been very, very helpful to her in the few weeks she’s been here and that she is really grateful to be working for this lady. I felt compelled to share that wonderful and sincere message to her boss, a woman who I only know casually from a women’s organization to which I belong. So I sent an email to this lady to convey what I’d been told by her new employee. A short while later, I received a note back from “the boss” telling me how I had made her day by sharing with her the kind words spoken by her new employee. This manager told me that when she had bosses that were really helpful to her, she called them her guardian angels. She followed that up with another truth – often times we don’t realize what a difference we can make in someone’s life (hugely positive OR negative). So why not make it a positive impact and see how the gift keeps on giving…..it certainly made my day just knowing that I had made hers.

What has become quite apparent, however, is that what WE ALL KNOW about treating people with common courtesy has become somewhat of an endangered species, a dying breed. Frankly, I find the lack of common courtesy to be so COMMON lately that when someone does behave in a courteous manner, it seems almost shocking. Pretty sad, wouldn’t you agree?

Perhaps I’m becoming more and more like my parents. As a child, I remember hearing them say quite often, “What IS this world coming to?” I find myself asking that same question as it simply amazes me how discourteous people can be, certainly not an appropriate setting to encourage good networking. I’ll site a few examples of what I’ve recently observed repeatedly in airports and on airplanes, and I welcome any examples of discourteous behavior you’d care to share whether it occurred in an airport, restaurant, retail store, post office, school, church, concert or any public venue.

My observations of how common courtesy is disappearing: